The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
