I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
