you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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