I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
