can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
