john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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