wrigley field is MILF paradise
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
