Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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