after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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