Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
