Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
