Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
