My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
