i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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