in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
