after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have aggressive nipples.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
