One girl and one boy is just not enough.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
