I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
