So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
