I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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