would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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