So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
