Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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