Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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