Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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