Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
