Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
