I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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