I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize