I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
