Moan for me like Helen Keller
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
