So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
