I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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