So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
