I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
