I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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