My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
