Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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