I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
