I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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