belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
