I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
