1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
