You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
