p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
