she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
