How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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