those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
