In the future we'll all be gay
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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