I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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