We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
