ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
