just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
