Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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