thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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