I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Floor bacon is actually really good
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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