The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rumble strips road head = magical
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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