White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
