Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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