i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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