if you like me you must not know who I am
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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