I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just cropdusted the office
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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