I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
