Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
