What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
