It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
