This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
