Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
