EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
