I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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