Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
