who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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