i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
