There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
