She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
