remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
