This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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