You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
