worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is wine microwaveable?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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