A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize