Acid is not a monday night drug
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
