i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
