You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
