I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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