Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
