Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
