people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
